Au Revior {BertholdtxReader} [School!AU]

Bertholdt looped the tie around his neck, his hands working to attempt to tie it into a knot, without much success. He groaned to himself, ripping it away and starting again. He didn’t even want to go to this stupid event, let alone dress up for it. No he’d much, much rather be spending the night in his basement watching movies with her, maybe getting the occasional text update from the rest of their friends if something big had happened. He was only going because he knew how much she’d wanted to go and truthfully, Bertholdt would do anything that she asked him to. Because… she was ______ and he was trying to make the most of their time together before he lost her. Because he knew that he was going to lose her.


Bertholdt still had yet to figure out why the adorable _____ ____, the cute object of his affections had returned… well… his affections. Returned them enough to ask him to be her biology partner in an attempt to get closer to him. Returned them enough to be nice to him even when he was at his most awkward with her and Bertholdt pretty much lived and breathed awkward. Returned them enough to drop a hint that she did, infact, return them. Returned them enough to have been with him for some time now and to be the first girl to tell him she loved him. She was everything.


And yet, everything was coming to an end now. Graduation was so ridiculously close now and at the end of the summer, they’d both be leaving their home town for college and probably for good. Bertholdt had gotten into his first choice of college, which she’d insisted that he apply for. The only problem was that it was six hours away from home and she’d be going to her second choice college, an hour away from home. That meant that there would be a five hour distance between them, instead of the two hour one that it would have been if she’d gotten her first choice. Which meant that things were just going to be too complicated and as much as Bertholdt didn’t want to leave her behind, didn’t want the pair of them to break it, it seemed just so unavoidable. Sure, it was easy to say that they’d call and visit and Skype, but with their schedules, how exactly was that going to work out? Neither of them were going to be able to do that ten hour round trip very often and with different schedules for their classes and the amazing social life he knew ____ was going to have, because everyone loved her paired with the jobs they’d both talked about getting and homework… things would fade out. And she was obviously going to meet someone better than tall, awkward Bertholdt and ultimately replace him. He’d been trying not to think about it but… for the past few weeks he couldn’t shift it out of his head, it was disturbing his sleep and leaking into his dreams and he knew that they were going to have to discuss it and soon, but… what was going to happen when they did?


“You’re useless.” Bertholdt was snapped away from his thoughts by the voice of his best friend. Reiner grabbed the tie from Bertholdt’s hands and looped it around his neck, tying it up for him. “There, let me guess, you were thinking about leaving her again, right?” Reiner could read him like a book and he was probably the only plus he could see about leaving for college right now, Reiner would be at the same school so he’d at least have someone there with him, even if it wasn’t her.


Bertholdt let out a sigh. “Tonight is making everything seem too real, Reiner and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to break up with her, but I don’t think we have a choice or a chance at actually lasting past college.”


Reiner studied his friend. “So, don’t break up with her. You said yourself she hasn’t brought the subject up to you yet so she probably isn’t planning on breaking up with you. We haven’t even graduated yet and then there’s still summer before we even leave. You don’t have to make a decision right now, you could enjoy summer and then discuss it like adults. And hey, maybe she wants to stick with you through college. I have faith that the pair of you will work it out.”


“It’s been eating at me for weeks already, I don’t know if I can take another couple of months of this.” Bertholdt groaned, his eyes looking around the room for the little box containing the flower he’d gotten for her. “Part of me wishes that she’d just break up with me so I at least know where I stand. I just need to get it over with soon.” He paused. “Maybe I should just bring it up tonight.”


Reiner, who had been admiring his suit clad body in the mirror, made a noise of disagreement. “Tonight? At prom? Are you serious?”


“Not at prom!” Bertholdt shook his head. “After. We’re… well, we’re going to stay together tonight. We talked about getting a motel room and her Dad thinks that she’s staying over at Christa’s after prom and if my parents ask I’m telling them I’m staying with you. So we’re going to be alone, by ourselves. Maybe that’s the best time to bring it up.”


Reiner studied Bertholdt’s face, almost as if he was trying to figure out if the taller boy was joking. “You’re actually serious about this.” He declared. “Good God, Bertholdt. It’s prom, you’re getting her alone and all you want to do is have a heartfelt discussion about the future of your relationship. You clearly haven’t watched enough movies, because trust me, that’s not what’s supposed to happen after prom. …You and ______... have you… you know?”


Bertholdt felt his cheeks heat up. This really wasn’t any of Reiner’s business. “Not… all the way… no.” Reiner really didn’t need to know that they’d attempted it once and that it… hadn’t… gone so well. Mainly because Bertholdt had… ruined it… when she’d touched his leg a little higher than he’d anticipated.


Reiner shook his head. “And you just want to decide whether or not you’re going to break up.” Reiner chuckled to himself. “And who said romance was dead.”


“You.” Bertholdt snorted. “You decided it was dead when Christa turned down your prom proposal.” Bertholdt couldn’t help but smirk when he saw the look on Reiner’s face. It seemed like the shorter boy was wishing that he’d strangled Bertholdt with the tie when he’d had the chance.


“She would have said yes if Ymir hadn’t gotten to her first.” Reiner responded, pulling himself together. “And Annie agreed to come with me. What time are we supposed to be going to _____’s by the way.


Bertholdt decided that he’d tortured Reiner enough and just looked down at his watch. “In about twenty minutes, so we should probably leave now to go pick up Annie, I’m sure her Dad is going to want to get some photos of you and her.” Bertholdt shuddered at the idea of photos, he already knew that _____’s Dad was planning on taking about a million of them, he was under strict instructions to not be late. He wouldn’t be surprised if he was photoshopped out of the pictures later, if he and ____ really did end up breaking up, he knew her father wasn’t the fondest of him. He’d knew he’d never quite forgotten the time where he’d ended up falling asleep in her bed the night he’d slept over because of their stupid plastic baby project. Her Dad had never looked at him the same way since. He hoped that Reiner would stay in the car while he picked her up, anyway, because what with her Dad and the fact that her cousin Jean and his date were going to be there… well, he really didn’t need to feel anymore awkward. “And Mom wants to get a couple of pictures of us before we leave too.”


“Well then…” Reiner straightened his tie. “Let’s go kill tonight.”


***


Bertholdt would admit prom hadn’t been… terrible. It had been fun to dance with her and hold her close, though that horrible voice still nagged in the back of his mind, demanding that he make a decision and quickly. It was also good to spend what could potentially be one of the last nights that he and his friends would all be together. And to cheer on Ymir and Christa as they were voted Prom Queens (and yes, even Reiner had been thrilled about that). It was also good that Reiner hadn’t been caught after he’d spiked the punch bowl and that Armin hadn’t puked in Bertholdt’s car when he’d left everyone behind for a few minutes to drive Eren, Mikasa and Armin back to Eren’s place so they could deal with Armin sleeping it off.


By the time he’d gotten back from his Armin drop, the lights had all been turned back on and everyone was either hanging around outside waiting for lifts, or leaving for post prom parties. Once Bertholdt had checked that Annie and Reiner had a way to get back from the party (thanks to Jean of all people, Bertholdt had never thought that he’d ever be grateful to Jean for anything… Bertholdt had never been Jean’s biggest fan. Though he was sure that most of that was down to Jean’s boyfriend, Marco.) he and _____ had left to go to the motel they were going to spend tonight in.


Which was where they were now.


Where Bertholdt was sitting on the end of the bed.


Where after some awkward conversations about hoping that Armin was okay and being excited for Christa and Ymir (but wondering if Ymir had somehow bribed  her way into prom court) and several failed attempts at bringing up the talk they needed to have, they were making out.


Where ______ was straddling him, as their mouths worked together. Her hands were on the front of his shirt, his jacket tossed carelessly to the floor. “This is finally actually going to happen.” She groaned into his mouth. “Finally.”


Bertholdt knew where this was going, now it was clear why she’d wanted them to spend the night together even though this traditions was like ripped directly from a cheesy teen movie. He wasn’t going to lie, he wanted this just as much as she did, hell there was no way she hadn’t realized that from the way her hips ground against him. It was just… he didn’t know if he could go through with this. Not when he was so unsure of the future, or what was going to happen between them. It wasn’t fair on her, she was all he’d ever wanted, all he ever would want but he knew it wasn’t the same for her. He knew that once they’d both left, there was a huge chance that she’d meet someone she’d love, love even more than she’d ever loved him and then she’d regret it if it happened. He felt her hands undo another one of his buttons and reached out to take them in his. To stop her. “I love you.”


She smiled back up at him. “I know,” she said softly, voice full of fondness. “I love you too, you know that.” She pressed her mouth back to his, tried to free her hands.


“We should talk.” Bertholdt breathed out, pulling away from her. It was now or never.


“I don’t feel like talking right now, Bertholdt.” She replied, pouting up at him. “Especially because I know what you want to talk about.”


She knew? Did that mean she’d been thinking about this a lot too? That this had completely taken over her thoughts as well? “So what do you want to do?”


She let out a frustrated sigh. “Right now? You, Turtle. I thought I’d made that obvious enough.”


Bertholdt wanted to push those thoughts away, to just let this happen and to think about the consequences later. But he couldn’t do that, not to her. “We’re going to be five hours apart.”


She groaned in frustration and climbed off his lap. She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, it seemed like she was mad at Bertholdt for ruining the mood between them. He was just about to ask her if she wanted him to call Christa, to drive her over to her house for the night but then she spoke. “If we talk about it, it means it’s really going to happen.”


“To be fair.” Bertholdt swallowed. “It’s going to happen whether or not we talk about it, so we really might as well just get this over with.”


“You couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” She asked, frustration still in her voice. “It’s still prom night you know, you had rather a lot of other nights to bring this up.” She groaned again and buried her head in her hands. “I don’t know what I want to do, things are going to be hard and ugh, why can’t we stay in high school for a few more years?”


Bertholdt couldn’t help the small smile. “It doesn’t work like that. Besides, you’re going to love college, you’re going to have a blast.”


She pulled a face. “I don’t think so, I’m going to be buried under a pile of classes, homework and trying to find a job so I can actually afford to survive. And when I’m not doing that, I’m going to be missing everyone back home. My parents, my friends, you more than anything.”


“You’ll make new friends.” Bertholdt insisted. “You’ll have everyone from here still, as well as a bunch of new people at your college. You’ll probably miss everyone for a few days, but then you’ll make new friends and you’ll have distractions from missing everyone.”


“We both know that isn’t going to happen, I’m not going to meet anyone as adorable as Christa, or as sweet as Marco or as… well, you as you.” She shook her head. “Everyone’ll be moving on and making new friends and forming new lives and I’ll just be spending my little free time stalking their profiles on Facebook to make sure they haven’t forgotten me. I don’t want to leave everyone, I just want everything to stay the same. And besides, you’re lucky, you’ll have Reiner with you, you’ll still have someone who ties you to home.”


“Having Reiner there is probably going to be a big help, but I’d rather have you.” Bertholdt couldn’t help himself, the words slipped out before he could stop them. “I’m going to be the one spending their free time on Facebook, I’ll be checking that you haven’t forgotten me.”


“I could never forget you.” She retorted, her voice quiet. “I love you too much. That’s why this hurts so badly.”


“I love you too.” Bertholdt replied, staring down at the floor. “But I don’t want to tie you down to me, because you deserve to have an amazing time at college without worrying about finding time to call or Skype me. And I don’t want to make promises to you that I can’t keep, like telling you I’m going to drive down to visit you only to be hit with a big project that I can’t not do, because that isn’t fair. And I don’t want to restrict your social life and make you wait around for me.”


“I…” She sighed. “I don’t want to make you wait for me either, college is going to be stressful enough for the both of us without me expecting you to drop everything and visit. And you’re going to make new friends too, no matter how much you try and deny it will happen. I don’t want to force you to be tied to me either. That’s… that’s why I was so eager for tonight to happen, so I could at least have one more first experience with you.”


Bertholdt closed his eyes. That was… that, he guessed. “So… we’re breaking up?”


_____ swallowed. “I don’t want to break up, but I don’t see how this is going to work if we don’t.”


“I don’t want to break up with you either, I love you.” Bertholdt said quietly. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you.


They were silent for a while. “We could call it a hiatus instead of a break up, you know.” She said slowly. “Instead of saying goodbye we could say what the French do. It means ‘until we meet again’, right? At least I think it does. That way… we’re not saying goodbye, because… we’ll still see each other. When we’re home for holiday’s and breaks and we could keep in touch when we can. So if I see you on Skype I’ll say hey and when you have five minutes you can call me to see how college is going. But… but we won’t be in a relationship anymore and there’s no pressure and if we happen again, we happen again.”


Bertholdt looked up at her. “That’s… better than nothing right? And it does kind of make sense, we can stay in each other’s lives without any eventual arguments or huge break-ups where people have to take sides.” It wasn’t enough, it was far from enough but he’d take any olive branch she’d give him. He’d hold onto the possibility that she’d officially be his again one day. And until then, they had the summer didn’t they? “And… we still have the summer right? Until we leave.”


She nodded with a sad smile. “We have the rest of the summer. And…” she leant up to pull his face back towards hers, kissing him fiercely as if she wanted to cling to every memory. “We still have the rest of tonight too.”


---


Bertholdt stirred, his eyes opening as he yawned. It took him a moment to realize where he was, that he wasn’t in his bed at home, instead in a hotel room with ______, who was currently snuggled into his side. As much as he wanted to stay in this position, his bladder felt like it may burst and so that had to be dealt with. She made a cute noise as he separated his body from hers, but she didn’t stir. He leaned over her, pressed a kiss to her forehead before he headed to the bathroom to take care of business.


The first thing he noticed when he walked back into the room was her dress on the floor. He swooped down to pick it up, to fish a hanger from the wardrobe. He was sure she had some bag or something to keep it in, but he wasn’t about to go hunting among her belongings for it. Luckily it wasn’t too wrinkled, because he knew how important the dress was to her.


He grabbed his boxers from his own pile of abandoned clothes and pulled them on. He crossed the room to the window, looking out at bustling roads below him. He heard a stirring from the bed and turned round to see a yawning _____ sitting up, her hair a mess in the most adorable way. “Good morning.” He said softly, going back to the bed and sliding back in with her.


She yawned again, leaning in for a kiss. “Good morning. What time is it?”


Bertholdt reached over to the table next to the bed and looked at his phone. “It’s almost 9. So we should probably think about getting up, getting breakfast and getting checked out.” He didn’t really feel like getting out of the bed again and getting showered and dressed and leaving, but he also didn’t want to pay for another night, because this room had been expensive as hell.


She whined and cuddled closer to him. “Just a few more minutes and then we’ll go take a shower, I promise.”


Bertholdt pressed a kiss to her head. “Okay, but we really need to move in like, five okay?” He looked back down at his phone, seeing the number of texts he opened his inbox, scrolling through the six he’d received, they were all along the same lines of ‘thank you for inviting us’ and ‘congratulations’. “So… how do you feel after yesterday?” He looked over at her.


She beamed back at him, tearing her eyes from him to look down at the white gold bang on her finger. “I feel amazing. Happy that we made it through college without falling out of touch, happy that we both moved back home for a while after, happy that we got back together and happy that we’re going to spend the rest of lives together. Why, how do you feel?”


Bertholdt smiled. “I feel like I’m going to love you forever, Mrs. Fubar.”